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Sunshine On Your Shoulder
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in 20 years, will this matter...

by sunshineonyourshoulder229 sunshineonyourshoulder229 on 07/11/16

in 20 years, will this matter…

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The kids are 50 minutes late getting home from overnight visitation with their dad. Bus time is in 10 minutes. Hair isn’t brushed. Teeth aren’t brushed. Clothes need to be changed. Breakfast needs to be eaten. My son jumps into the shower.

I am beyond angry at the blatant disrespect this man continues to exhibit. All the things I would like to do or say run through my mind a mile a minute…

I want to scream at the top of my lungs.

I want to stomp my feet, beat my fists on the ground.

I want to throw things. Break things.

I want to call their father  and scream at him that following the parenting plan/visitation schedule really isn’t that hard and that I know this because I follow it EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

I want to file contempt charges with the court system.

I want to go back to bed, curl up in a ball, cry myself back to sleep. Host the mother of all pity parties.

I want to give up. Simply, completely, thoroughly give up.

Then, I ask myself the never-ending question…

In 20 years, will this matter?

So, I brush hair and pull clean shirts over heads. I set out pumpkin muffins, glasses of milk and vitamins.

I wipe perfectly formed, beautiful little faces with milk mustaches and muffin crumbs all over them while full mouths mumble “These are delicious”.

I zip up coats, strap on backpacks, shove hats on heads and mittens on hands while kissing foreheads and saying “Have a super sparkly day. I love you and will pick you up after school”.

I scurry kids out the door shouting “Run like the wind Bullseye”, listen to the giggles and sweet little voices say “I love you mom” because…

in 20 years, this will matter

much love,

sunshine


Someday is Today

by sunshineonyourshoulder229 sunshineonyourshoulder229 on 07/04/16

"Someday is Today"

Earlier this week, as I was traveling on an interstate highway system, a big as life billboard with the words, “SOMEDAY IS TODAY,” not only caught my attention but sorta slapped me in the face…HARD!

For weeks I have been considering starting a blog. For no other reason than to share my truth and my story in the hopes of healing my own heart and soul through writing but with the additional hope that maybe I will have the privilege of helping just one other person heal their own heart by knowing that they are not alone in this world.

There is a significant amount of fear that is involved in a decision of this sort. Fear of criticism, rejection, being made a laughing stock for what you feel and believe, even fear that someone may actually read it. The internet can be a pretty scary place. However, 4 years ago, I made the decision to leave a 20 year marriage because I was tired of being afraid. You see, I had finally figured out that fear is just another emotion. An emotion like joy and sadness and anger and bliss. Fear is really no different than those emotions. It is telling me is that I need to make a change—something isn’t quite right in my life and I need to make it better.

So, as I am driving the other day, I see this billboard, get slapped in the face, and laugh out loud. God is really, truly very clever like that sometimes, isn’t he?

Someday is today!

Now here I am internet world. A vulnerable teller of my truth. Be gentle, be harsh, be brave enough to share this journey with me, just be. Be who you are meant to be. Just as I am using this media to be who I am meant to be. Together we will show up for ourselves and for each other. We will show up for the world because…

Someday is today.

  Much Love,

Sunshine

I have been in virtual contact with Jill for about a year – group communication via a mutual Facebook page and direct contact through personal emails. Jill’s honesty and resilient spirit is a breath of fresh air.

 Jill’s love and wisdom provides her with the ability to share freely and clearly of her situation – a situation that runs parallel tracks with mine. 

Jill’s stories have resonated with me more so than others and our communications are one of my “safe-havens” from my NPD - providing insights and solace. Her compassion has truly helped lighten my burden.

~ Kimberly